Dearest Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

Thank you kindly for dumping 10 inches of snow on my hometown on Saturday. It looks so pretty outside my windows. Oh, wait a minute, I guess I’m incorrect there. What I see is snow piled up between the screen and the storm windows. You put it there with your ferocious wind gusts, which were impressively clocked at 60 miles per hour on Saturday afternoon.

That blessed wind can be thanked for taking your measly 10-inch snow storm and turning it into thigh-high, hard-packed drifts in my driveway, and another in my back yard.

Neighbor Alyssa especially appreciated the design – she could step right over my chain-link fence and come visit me while I tried to dig a path from my back door to the garage. I welcomed her to make a snow angel in my yard, but she said maybe tomorrow.

I, on the other hand, was too busy appreciating all of the hard work you put into my driveway. Snow angels, now they can just wait for a cold day in, well, you know what I mean!

I realize you tried your hardest to create power outages across this vast frozen tundra of southwest Minnesota. I thank you for not giving it “your all” since my friends and family in the rural areas sure needed to keep warm, what with the -32 wind chill you so joyously delivered on Sunday morning.

In all sincerity, thank you for delivering that big beam of brightness in the sky this Sunday morning. While it certainly isn’t powerful enough to melt these mounds of white (you shouldn’t have wasted so much energy on the wind gusts), the sun certainly feels good on my face.

Then again, I’m pretty sure I can’t feel my face.

Oh, my beautiful Mother Nature, is this really your best effort? (I really don’t want an answer, especially since it’s so close to Christmas!)

Yours in nearly total sarcasm,

And now, Letter No. 2:

Dear Santa Claus,

I’ve tried to be really good this year (well, except for my above letter to Mother Nature). Please bring me a snow blower with instructions on how to use it. If that last part proves too difficult, you are welcome to provide a good, strong man … with the snow blower, of course.

Lots of Love,

And in all seriousness, thanks a whole bunch to my kind and good-hearted neighbors for coming to my rescue. One day, when I have a snow blower, I will be sure to return the favor – and you have that promise in print!